can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
