I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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