She announced her abortion via fbk
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize