ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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