so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
