I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize