Im at strip club and am horny
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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