theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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