I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize