we have officially lost it.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
