I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
