No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
