they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
