We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
