how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize