Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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