Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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