apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize