I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
