There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
