I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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