She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
