Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
