My cat gives me a boner
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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