i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize