Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
