We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize