I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
