the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I touched a dick in church today
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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