she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
