I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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