There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
