We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
