i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
