It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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