Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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