I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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