What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
