It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
