3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
