wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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