it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Less talking, more tequila
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
