I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
