PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
