I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
