dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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