Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
