Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
