Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
