I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
