Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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