Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
