My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
