yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
