Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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