omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
