New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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