ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
