her facebook's as public as her vagina
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Every concussion has its silver lining
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize