Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
