He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
