Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
